There were dramatic scenes today in the village of Ruttinghard, where a new Aldi has just opened its doors. Physical fights broke out amongst the residents as they pushed their way inside the German cut-price supermarket and several people were hurt in the process, including Post Mistress Mrs Bottomly, who had her best bonnet trampled underfoot. Local Blacksmith John Sykes told us he'd been queuing 'since 4am to get my hands on a new lawnmower from the 'Special Items' aisle'. When asked if he'd been successful, he replied that unfortunately there hadn't actually been any lawnmowers, but he'd been able to stock up on dupes of Elizabeth Arden's Eight Hour Cream and a car cleaning kit. We'll bring you more news from Ruttinghard in our lunchtime news. Back to the studio!
P.S no masks or social distancing because Ruttinghard has no instances of Covid-19

size: 297mm x 420 mm on Nautilus 250 gsm paper

Ref: Aldi